On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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