I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You took a bar mat shot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This baby is an asshole
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
