I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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