do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
