Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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