How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
