I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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