Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
