Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
