sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
