I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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