Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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