sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
