so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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