I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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