Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Congratulations! We have a period
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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