If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
