I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i drank out of a bidet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
