I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
