I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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