from now on my penis is your penis
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
