how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
