Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize