the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
