pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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