either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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