Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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