Just fell off a train. Bad.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My cat gives me a boner
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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