I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
