I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
