hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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