Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
