i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
