Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
