2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
