I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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