i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
