Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
