Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
