I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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