all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
