Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
