how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
