is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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