I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
