I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
