He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
