and next time when you feel me up, do it right
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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