i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
either way he was missing a nipple.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't turn off my feet"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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