Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
