all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He better not be in your backpack
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
