That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
