my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
