Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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