..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
im on a boat
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