I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize