What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
