what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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