I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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