Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
