I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
