Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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