We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we're making bets on your personal life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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