Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
