just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she smelled like a LAN party
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
