Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
