new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
