Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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